literature

Chapter 12: Shopping

Deviation Actions

Zapblapoman's avatar
By
Published:
211 Views

Literature Text

“Exactly what are we getting?”

“Don’t worry, it’s all on the list.”

“Can I see this list?” Zapblapoman was not excited about what Ned’s plan was for the day.

“Don’t worry, you’ll find out what we’re shopping for later.” Ned was wearing a pair of sunglasses that looked incredibly stupid on him, but still managed to spark some sort of interest in Zapblapoman.

“Where’d you get those glasses?” the lens was red and yellow, and the frame was mainly black.

“I found them at my house. Do you like them?”

“No, I think that you look stupid, but the colours go together very nicely and it gives me an idea.” Zapblapoman went to the SHIMC. He was back in a half-an-hour with his new suit. It was mainly black, and the red and yellow made it seem complete, and original all to Zapblapoman. He also implemented the new materials that the suit would be made out of.

“Nice suit,” Ned said, “it looks original. Now that you are ready to go we shall go.”

“I never agreed to go shopping, I don’t even understand the reasoning for your sudden enthusiasm of this whole shopping concept. Wait, we’re not going to shop for a present to give to your grandma for her 75th birthday are we?”

“No, you can just call this Procedure: Master Plan 2.”

“I like the way you think, and I find that going shopping will probably be the best way of carrying out this procedure. Good work my friend.”

“Okay then, off we go.”

“To the ETS!”

They went to the nearest bus stop and got onto the bus that would take them to the nearest good mall. On the way there they talked about a various amount of different things. Some stuff was about the future. Other stuff was about the present. And then there was their discussion about things that went on in their past.

Ned started the discussion off the past by saying, “remember way back in school, all the good times that there were? I mean when no one was bulling anyone?”

“You mean like the days when Evil Clam, Doctor Rock, and Monkey Boy nicked class? Yeah there were plenty of good times to be had. I had my own small group of friends, I think; I can’t really remember any of them. One major thing that I remember, though, is that I was really shy, I couldn’t talk to girls. I’m not just talking about the ones that I liked either. I was afraid of most all of them. It’s funny how after everything has happened, I lost my shyness, or a whole great deal of it. I feel as though I can talk to girls. I can’t really tell for sure right now, the only person I talk to is you. And Flurada, but he doesn’t count as a person. But…

“You. Before I got sent away, you weren’t my friend, were you? I mean you weren’t my enemy, but we only had those awkward talks, we couldn’t have been classified as friends. I was really surprised to see you there at the reformatory that those many weeks ago. All my friends didn’t really care about me, but then you, you broke my out. Why did you save me?”

“There was no one else that could save you. It’s not like your friends didn’t care. They vanished, off the face of the earth, along with their families. That is how it seems to be with everyone who knew you in a significant way. Be it that they new you because they were your relative, your friend. Your secret admirers. All those that died when you were arrested, vanished.”

They were at the mall. The good mall. The best mall. The biggest mall. They were at West Edmonton Mall. They walked in and Zapblapoman continued on with their conversation.

“Why didn’t you tell me this before? Why not when you told me about my parents?”

“I figured that hearing about your parents and then everybody else would be too stressful. I was going to tell you later, but it was one of those things where you remember when you are alone or it isn’t the right time to say it, and then when it is an appropriate time to talk about it you forget. I’m sorry it took so long.”

“Well now I know. I hope that you don’t mind me being rather silent and reflective once we start shopping.”

They went shopping.

The first place that they went was for a haircut. Ned wanted to get one, and after a while of musing over it, Zapblapoman finally gave in and got one as well. Now that they were looking nice and spiffy, they went to a bunch of stores to get some clothes. Why Zapblapoman needed clothes was anybody’s guess, but Ned forced him to get some.

As they shopped Ned finished what he was saying, “pretty much anyone that cried or was in any way shocked when you were arrested disappeared.”

“Wait a minute, you didn’t cry?” Zapblapoman was hurt.

“When what happened?”

“When I got arrested!” Zapblapoman said in anger.

“You got arrested? When?”

“I am going to kill you!” Zapblapoman was very annoyed especially because Ned was just stalling his answer.

“Hey, it’s not my fault that you got arrested.” Ned paused and looked up in thought, he looked back down once he made up his mind. “Nope, definitely not.”

“What are we talking about again?”

“I can’t remember.” Ned laughed.

“You liar! Answer the damn question!”

“What question?” he laughed even harder now

“Answer it or I kill you!”

“Would you rather still be in prison?” Ned finally gave in and answered Zapblapoman’s original question.

“I would only have been in there for a couple more weeks and then I would be free.”

“Yeah, but where would you stay when you found out about your family, you wouldn’t have any secret lab thing.”

“It’s an IKEA.”

“Hee, hee, you saw that? Yeah, it is an IKEA. It meets your needs doesn’t it?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“You basically wouldn’t have any of the information about your new lifestyle that you have now. Don’t forget that you would have never met Flurada if I wasn’t around to be abducted by him.”

“Are we sure that Flurada’s a guy?”

“Well he definitely isn’t a guy, but he is a male.” They were in the men’s wear section of a clothing store and Ned was looking through a small selection of geek vests.

“I don’t know why I asked that. Why the hell did I ask that?”

“It’s quite reasonable being that he is of another species, that you might question his sexual category. What do you think about this one?”

“It’s a geek vest, man, like what do you want me to say about it?”

“I like it. It has a whole bunch of cool looking colours in it.” Ned walked over to the till and bought the vest as well as a bunch of other geek stuff.

“What am I doing here? Why are you bringing me here to watch you shop? I’m sure that my insight is far less superior than yours is.”

“We’re not shopping just for me.”

Zapblapoman’s thought stumbled and fell. While it was still on the ground, Zapblapoman said, “We’re not?”

“No, we’re here for you. In fact we’re here most entirely for you.”

“Why? What’s going on?” Zapblapoman’s thought process was attempting to put itself back together at the same time that it was cautiously getting up off the floor of
Zapblapoman’s mind.

“Just come with me, and you’ll find out later.”

They walked from store to store gathering a whole bunch of stuff that could be useful in some way or another. All the while that they walked, they also talked. Their conversations went from talking about computers to talking about Mutant Robot Ninja-Clowns. The segue that led into this conversation is actually rather hard to predict. Basically, Ned was talking about a computer game where he had to defeat an Evil Ninja-Clown. He then finished his story and went on to talk about how robots will soon be living among us and help us with everything, and thus leading us to become fat. When the nuclear waste, from the world’s nuclear power plants, leak into our food supply then we will become a society of fat mutant people. Zapblapoman was only listening partly to this conversation, so when Ned was done talking, the only thing that Zapblapoman could remember were the words ‘Mutant Robot Ninja-Clowns’; and thus their conversation began.

They found there way into a store that sold school supplies. Ned went ahead buying a whole bunch of binders and pens, and mechanical pencils. He also got some lined paper, but no unlined paper, because there is nothing that you can do on unlined paper that you can’t do on lined paper. Ned paid for it all and left.

Zapblapoman still could not figure out why Ned wanted to go shopping with him, especially when he was only buying things for himself for when he went back to school. Perhaps there was still hope. Perhaps Ned was going to surprise him by getting him a power cord or an electrical outlet. Zapblapoman began to inadvertently drool. He ran into a statue. Several people were laughing; others were looking away when it happened.

Zapblapoman got up and regained his composure. Ned stopped laughing and they walked out of the mall. Zapblapoman said that he had some business at the police station. Ned then realised that there was still one more place that he wanted to go to in the mall and so they walked back into the mall.

Ned led Zapblapoman into a hair place and bought some hair-dye. It was the kind of hair-dye that made your hair brown. They walked out of the store and exited the mall.

“Why do you want hair-dye? Your hair is already brown.” Zapblapoman inquired.

“I’m going to see if I can make a product much like hair-dye that can be washed out every night without looking unnatural while it is in your hair. This brown hair-dye is going to be the controlled variable in my research.”

“And you just picked brown out of a random selection?”

“Yes.” It was plain to see that Ned was thinking up something really big in his mind that would use this special type of hair-dye in a larger role than he was trying to make it seem.

They walked over to the bus stop and waited for the next bus that would take them to where they want to go, or at least near it. They got on and sat down. It was then that they realised how weird it was for a real life superhero to be taking the bus. Some people were watching them, and others were being polite by averting their eyes. The bus ride was silent and uneventful. They got off the bus and went to the police station. They talked to the chief. According to him, Zapblapoman can kill someone as long as it is in self-defence or in the defence of another person. Zapblapoman’s mind was clear now, he knew the full guidelines of his new lifestyle.

They went back to Zapblapoman’s place and had some supper. After that, Ned put the hair-dye in the experiment room and then went home and Zapblapoman went to sleep after staying up until twelve watching some slightly inappropriate television.

*

Zapblapoman woke up the next morning feeling refreshed and relaxed. He decided that it was time that he began to act like the superhero that he was. He was going on patrol. Anywhere, really. Not just the dark Alleys, but also the bright and sunny parks.

He walked out of the warehouse and started to walk down the street. Everyone seemed to be out. The streets were filled with cars, people were walking on the sidewalk. Zapblapoman walked on. He went to the high level bridge, the low level bridge was under construction. How he got across is a mystery that may never be unravelled.

Zapblapoman managed to find himself in a park. The grass was green, the trees were brown and green, and the water in the near by lake glistened. There were some birds, but they were hardly able to be heard over the sound of laughter from all of the people in the park. Some people were barbecuing, others were playing Frisbee or some other manner of games that involved throwing an object and catching it, others were basking in the warmth of the sun down by the lake.

Zapblapoman looked across the lake and saw the distinct figure of Flurada crouching in relaxation while he observed all the excitement from afar. Zapblapoman was about to go talk to Flurada when the sound of screaming caught his ear. He looked over to see what was happening. Someone was lying on the ground unconscious, and the older woman that was on the ground with him, was shouting, “Help! Someone call an ambulance, my husband is having a heart attack!” Zapblapoman rushed over. He had all the basic training that one would receive in a CPR course and so he did all the steps that he needed to do before he started to work his electrical magic. He told someone to go call for an ambulance on their cell phone and was very specific about it. He asked around to see if anyone knew how much voltage a defibrillator deals out; they all got uneasy when he asked this. Someone said that it varied from person, but the nominal load of a patient is 90-V, so that is what Zapblapoman worked with. He told the older woman to take off the man’s shirt, she did so and Zapblapoman placed his hands according to the anterior-posterior scheme. He then told everyone to back off because he was about to begin.

He focused his energy and sensed when he had 90-V, then he let it go. He checked the man’s pulse, but there wasn’t one yet. He put his hands back into position and tried again.

This process went over and over until, finally, Zapblapoman gasped, as he was slightly out of breath, “I can feel a pulse!” he said it in a small wispered voice, but it was so silent at the moment that everyone around him heard what he said. They all cheered for Zapblapoman. He finally accepted the gratitude as an inevitability and soaked up as much that he could bear.

The man was still unconscious, but atleast now he was alive. The ambulance arrived at that moment and took him to the hospital.

The sun was now high in the sky and Zapblapoman was well on his way to becoming the superhero that he is destined to be.
It's been a while, I took a big break. I basically have chapter 13 and 15 planned out for what I want to happen. 14 is a bit blurry in my mind. I really like how this one ended.

A while back I said that I would have more facts about Zapblapoman and the Quanagon Stone, So here is a few: I can never remember how to spell Quanagon, because it has had so many spelling changes in the past; I actually created The Quanagn Stone in grade six, I made the story line up, but neve managed to finish it; I decided that I would fuse Zapblapoman and The Quanagon Stone within a year after I created Zapblapoman; Meadium Sirse (in which I also always forget how to spell) was originally called planet Quanagon in the original The Quanagon Stone, I later changed it to Zabalompetrahpan (I also had trouble pronouncing it originally) is what the name was changed to between chapter 2 and 3, then I finally changed it to Meadium Sirose in the middle of writting Chapter 3. I think that that is enough for now.
© 2006 - 2024 Zapblapoman
Comments2
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
Agreed. but why can't you have a nice simple name, like bob. or joe. Ned doesnt count its too nerdy ;p